Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize