i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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