I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
