Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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