ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
