I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
