You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
