Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
