Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
