For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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