that's an acceptable place to lick
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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