Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
