I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
