She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
