i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
