East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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