i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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