Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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