My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
