she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ladies don't puke and tell
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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