A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
