i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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