her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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