Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
