And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i came on her dog
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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