dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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