nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
