Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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