Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
