i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
