That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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