i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
