he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
