Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
