literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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