I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
