Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
