Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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