There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
