Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
