Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
