If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
