party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
