Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
