i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
