Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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