Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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