So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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