so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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