how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
