Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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