ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
