it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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