Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think your dad took our porno
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
