To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so that wasnt chicken after all
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize