last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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