i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
