i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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