They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
