hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
