I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Barsexuality is the new black.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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