P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
