A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
