so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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