I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
