She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
