Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My ass is underappreciated
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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