Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
