Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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