Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched